First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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