Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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