you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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