i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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