im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
