i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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