She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize