Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drake has all the answers
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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