My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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