The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
