Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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