the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
