why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need moral support for this bender
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
