so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
