Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
