I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize