Screwed.edu
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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