the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
