He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
