and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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