i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize