got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
