guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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