allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
