just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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