I'm eating all of the evidence.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
