I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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