She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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