I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
