I met the friendliest cop last night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
