Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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