She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
