Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
