All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
