and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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