my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
