Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
