There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
