I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
