I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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