My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
