i wish my penis had a tongue
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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