you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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