So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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