I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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