when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
