the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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