they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
