chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
