I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize