Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
