just tell him i said nine months
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
