you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
