I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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