we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
how drunk are you?
Several
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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