Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
