Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
