seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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