He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize