hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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