This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
