I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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