were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
