glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize