My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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