yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
