I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
