I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
