So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
